I read the Billboard top 10

Inspired by a horribly worded comment (welcome to the internets!) on indietits, Questionable Content's annoying little brother, today I'm going read the Billboard top ten. Wish me luck.

Billboard Magizine Top Ten, compiled 2006-05-06

  1. Artist: Rascal Flatts/ Album: Me And My Gang – I have only heard of this band in passing, but it is "a country trio known primarily for their pleasing harmony." Well thank god it isn't displeasing harmony, like those damn kids and their rock and roll music.

  2. Various Artists/ Now 21 – Able to drink beer legally, Now That's What I Call Music! can go to those over twenty one shows these days. He comes back to cooperate headquarters so drunk that the CEO is considering dumping him for the more reliable Hits!

  3. Soundtrack/ High School Musical – Never underestimate the power of singing, dancing teenagers. I, for one, will never make that mistake again.

  4. Toby Keith/ White Trash With Money – Yep, this guy is on the president's iPod. That said, I wonder if ODB is on Obama's iPod.

  5. T.I./ King – After becoming the number one name in graphing calculators, Texas Instruments went on to record two albums of hardcore rap, including the songs "Why You Wanna" and "Infinitesimals Can't Stop Me."

  6. Tim McGraw/ Greatest Hits Vol 2: Reflected – Looking at the review of this album on the site, this album is the best stuff from 2001-2004. For most bands that is how long it takes them to make a normal album, but the review also mentions that the rest of the songs on the albums this disk takes from are just filler. That’s pretty much the definition of selling out.

  7. James Blunt/ Back To Bedlam – The single from this album is entitled “You’re Beautiful” and has worked it’s way into the hearts of girls everywhere. This just proves the power of complimenting women. In the interest of proving every feminine stereotype I hope his next single is “You Look Fat In That” and he looses all of his fans. This will not happen. Oh, and for reference:

    bed·lam (bĕd’ləm) n.

    1. A place or situation of noisy uproar and confusion.

    2. An insane asylum.

    Awesome!

  8. Shakira/ Oral Fixation Vol. 2 – Looking at the review this is Shakira’s attempt at art, instead of the good ol’ dance pop of her previous efforts. All I can say is that she choose a good title.

  9. Daniel Powter/ Daniel Powter – First off, can I say that I don’t like self-titled albums. I mean, they can contain good music, but naming your songs after yourself makes it feel like the music is for you and not for me. No. You are performing for my benefit, not the other way around. Anyway, I hate everything. Moving on.

    This guy was featured on American Idol, meaning that he wasn’t good enough to get a recording contract on his own and had to use corny TV to get his name out there. That’s harsh, the one song I’ve heard from him, “Bad Day,” ain’t bad. But, as the review says, he is “reminiscent of a less idiosyncratic, streamlined Elton John.” In other words, boring.

    Oh, and you might need this:

    Id·i·o·syn·crat·ic adj.

    Of peculiar temper or disposition; belonging to one’s peculiar and individual character.

  10. Pink/ I’m Not Dead – Because I’m cheep and didn’t put album covers on here, you can’t see that Pink is screaming at the camera taking this album’s cover photo. Looking at it makes me feel like someones up in my face yelling “I’M NOT DEAD I’M NOT DEAD I’M NOT DEAD.” Well Pink, I’m glad you are still breathing.

My current favorite band, Spoon, hasn't charted yet, but they did get a car commercial.

You know what? Car commercials have embraced indie music more than the freaking Grammies. Compare that to the Oscars, where all but one of the best picture nominees this year were made outside the normal movie studios, and you realise what’s wrong. In other words, if the Grammy people did the Oscars The Island would have won best picture. You getting me?

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